Direct Action: An Historical Novel
changing the world – one arrest at a time!
A rare inside look at the crowd at Trump’s acceptance speech, August 2020.
Naturally it’s almost entirely old white people. You’d almost think that everything is normal – except for that one young anarchist in a mask. Clearly an Antifa plant!
Lest anyone worry that this close-knit crowd might spread covid to the rest of us, relax – I’m pretty sure all of these people are quarantining at the White House for the next 14 days.
At last, a wall that Trump can actually build – construction has begun on a high-security perimeter fence around the White House.
Nothing says democracy quite like security fencing. But if it keeps the blight contained, I’m for it.
Here’s The Independent’s report.
Image by AFP/Getty.
Trump’s minions chatter about adding DT to Rushmore as the fifth phizzog.
But if re-elected, no way he’ll share the stage with pikers like Washington and Lincoln. He’ll have them scoured off and devote the famed cliff to four versions of himself.
Early sketches show none of the versions wearing a mask. However, three of the four will be fondling a cellphone.
I admit it – I’ve been ingesting chlorine. On a daily basis. So far, there are no ill effects except I’m often thirsty.
I’ve heard from many people, some of whom are actually on TV, that chlorine is good for you, so I decided to double my intake during shelter-in-place.
According to what I hear, it isn’t just good for curing pandemics. It may actually turn out to be an essential health supplement!
My favorite ingestion system is potato chips and popcorn. But lately cashews have hit the spot – protein and chlorine at the same time. Plus fewer crumbs in my mask.
It’s gotten to where I’ve found myself adding chlorine to vegetables, boiled potatoes, even a dash in my oatmeal. Yum!
Really, once you get the taste for it, everything tastes better with chlorine! Luckily, it’s cheap and easily accessible.
You can buy crystalized chlorine here
Or make your own edible chlorine crystals by adding 39.34 grams of sodium (Na) to 60.66 gram of chlorine (Cl). Shake, don’t stir. Let stand for a few minutes – and voila! Ingestible chlorine!
Illustration: Sodium Chloride – the miracle molecule.
Pop Quiz: All but one person wore a safety mask during a a visit to the Mayo Clinic.
Can you guess who?
(A) A clueless boob who was sleep walking at the time
(B) A sycophantic careerist toadying up to a sick boss
(C) The Lone Ranger on Opposite Day
(D) The Vice President of the United States
Shawn Langlois of MarketWatch flagged this marvelously sickening screenshot from CNBC’s Jim Cramer (Mad Money): “Everything that is wrong with America.”
While millions lose jobs and faced financial ruin, the Dow chalks up its best week in 80 years.
Of course, that prior “best” was during the Great Depression, so maybe we shouldn’t be so surprised.
Economic Musings by Luke Hauser – short and sometimes funny!
ABC News reports that a coven of masked witches attempted and failed to levitate US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R, KY).
The masked pagans surrounded the hapless politician at the Kentucky Statehouse and demanded that he speak out for social justice during this time of national crisis. When McConnell failed to recognize the meaning of word “justice,” the protesters turned to Plan B – levitate the banana slug until the next election.*
Sadly, McConnell had his shields (if not his face mask) in place, and remained rooted to the marble floor.
The coven vowed to hold online zoom rituals to boost their psychic powers and shift their attention to levitating the President during one of his daily televised coronavirus rallies.
Photo and original report from This Week ABC.
More satires from Luke Hauser: https://directaction.org/category/satires/
* – UPDATE – Responding to a flurry of complaints from readers, Luke Hauser apologizes to banana slugs everywhere!
I think we found the perfect symbol of the Trump era.
Sometimes satire just can’t keep up.
Image: CreativeMarket.com
To all venture capitalists and others with too much money on their hands:
My company is called ToiletShare – we sublet time-share toilets to techies. After all, you can’t “function” without toilets!
Our innovative, cutting edge, high tech idea is – most of the time, toilets are sitting unoccupied. What if instead of paying for toilet-time you don’t use, you simply paid for a block of toilet time that you and your employees could use at your discretion?
ToiletShare maintains a worker-friendly environment, with quality reading material and relaxing muzak.
Bonus – ToiletShare monitors all toilet-related activity and provides a complete monthly report of employee toilet usage.
Can we have $5 billion for starts?
Photo – Tokyo Weekender
More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser
*****
Direct Action author Luke Hauser helped launch the infamous Funky Nixons, known in the Bay Area as the House Band of Peoples Park (ie, we played there a lot and provided backup for other performers).
Although Hauser – now a part-time recluse living under assumed names due to unremitting pursuit by international espionage agents – left the band years ago, the rest of the crew persists in their nefarious career, and perform several times a year in the Bay Area.
Streaming income supports this website! Get to it!
Screw the Rich
L.A. Driver
Smoke a Joint with Jesus
We Support the Troops
Immigrant Man
Barbara Bush’s Dog
