ABC News reports that a coven of masked witches attempted and failed to levitate US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R, KY).
The masked pagans surrounded the hapless politician at the Kentucky Statehouse and demanded that he speak out for social justice during this time of national crisis. When McConnell failed to recognize the meaning of word “justice,” the protesters turned to Plan B – levitate the banana slug until the next election.*
Sadly, McConnell had his shields (if not his face mask) in place, and remained rooted to the marble floor.
The coven vowed to hold online zoom rituals to boost their psychic powers and shift their attention to levitating the President during one of his daily televised coronavirus rallies.
To all venture capitalists and others with too much money on their hands:
My company is called ToiletShare – we sublet time-share toilets to techies. After all, you can’t “function” without toilets!
Our innovative, cutting edge, high tech idea is – most of the time, toilets are sitting unoccupied. What if instead of paying for toilet-time you don’t use, you simply paid for a block of toilet time that you and your employees could use at your discretion?
ToiletShare maintains a worker-friendly environment, with quality reading material and relaxing muzak.
Bonus – ToiletShare monitors all toilet-related activity and provides a complete monthly report of employee toilet usage.
Direct Action author Luke Hauser helped launch the infamous Funky Nixons, known in the Bay Area as the House Band of Peoples Park (ie, we played there a lot and provided backup for other performers).
Although Hauser – now a part-time recluse living under assumed names due to unremitting pursuit by international espionage agents – left the band years ago, the rest of the crew persists in their nefarious career, and perform several times a year in the Bay Area.
Streaming income supports this website! Get to it!