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activism, Immigration, Satires

Forget the Wall – I Want a Dome!

Build a wall to stop homo sapiens from traveling across the continent?
The Rocky Mountains didn’t stop people. The Bering Strait didn’t stop people.
And you think a wall will do it? Maybe if you include lots of decorative razor wire?

Supply & Demand – Capitalism 101

Let me pause briefly to explain capitalism.
Sometimes there’s a demand for a product, or for labor, or for a better place to live – and as if by magic, a supply crops up to fill it!
It’s almost like there’s an invisible hand benignly guiding the whole operation.
People want flat-screen TVs? Capitalism fills the demand (and fills the Earth with the old models – more on that presently).
People want illegal drugs and non-prescription pharmaceuticals? There’ll be a supply – you can bet your stock-market money on it.
People demand better snack bars? Voila, Nugo bars, with 12 grams of protein and they taste like a Snickers bar! Now that’s progress!
So – when US farmers need cheap labor, when US yuppies need cheap house-cleaners, or when the CIA ransacks Latin American countries and induces people to trek hundreds of miles in search of a livable home – gee, small surprise that a supply rises to fill the demand.

Walls Just Won’t Work

Walls will never stop the law of supply and demand. There’s never been a wall, or a sea, that could stop humans bent on their destination.
Nor will walls stop 911-style fanatics or Oklahoma City-type domestic terrorists, which some people think might be a greater threat than the Southern border.
 (Nor will walls stop rising sea levels. But that’s another – if closely related – story).

Time For a Dome

No, if we want to secure the Beloved Capitalist Homeland (ie, the patches of Earth that on maps are labelled “USA”), a wall will simply never work.
We need a dome.
And not just any dome, but one designed by American ingenuity and technological prowess.
A noble dome, projecting our justice-loving essence upward and outward toward a hostile world that hates us because we are so free.
Picture it – a shiny bubble of ultra-high-tech plasticene, crowning our purple mountains’ majesty, above the fruit-filled plains where our much-revered corporate farms grow the bio-engineered corn that will sustain us after we fire all of the immigrant laborers.
And the jobs it will create! The plastics industry will boom. Engineers will grow rich computing and testing the exact parabolic arch of the dome. Universities will wax fat on the research handouts.
Even manual laborers will find work cleaning and polishing the dome’s inviolable surface.

Please Donate Now!

We face a national crisis! The government is stymied by legislative paralysis, party politics, lack of vision, and the Bozo in the Oval Office.
We The People must act to ensure our domestic security. If we begin constructing a dome, the American electorate will rally to our righteous cause, and the government will be compelled to assist us!
Please contribute generously, and we will begin building a dome now! Or at least talking a lot about it!
Email small, unmarked bills to: BuildTheDomeNow@Scammail.us
Freedom now! Build the Dome!
Decorative razor wire photo from Military Times.
RazorWireWall-MilitaryTimes
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activism, Resources & Downloads

Direct Action – Classic Issues!

Before it was smash best-selling novel, Direct Action was a tabloid newspaper published by Livermore Action Group of Berkeley from 1982 to 1986.

Direct Action – free downloads

In fact, some have gone so far as to suggest that the novel’s author swiped not only the name, but the type-font as well, from the paper. We’ll let you be the judge when you download back issues of this classic activist rag from the 1980s!

Continue reading “Direct Action – Classic Issues!”

activism, Culture, Satires

Curbing Rampant Pedestrianism

Lately I’ve noticed an ugly phenomenon in our fair bayside communities – careless and inconsiderate pedestrians have been taking over the sidewalks, forcing legally-sanctioned scooter riders to dodge, swerve, and ultimately to dismount and walk their electrified vehicles!

This has got to stop! Unfortunately, no one acts more entitled than a pedestrian on a sidewalk. You’d practically think they paid for them!

We need to get pedestrians under control before someone gets hurt. When I see scooters constantly having to dodge people on foot, I know it’s just a matter of time until a careless pedestrian is going to accidentally hit and kill a scooter rider. I’m surprised it hasn’t accidentally happened already. Those kind of accidents are to be expected when pedestrians get out of control.

Pedestrian Lanes & Laws

I propose that all sidewalks be marked with clear lanes, and pedestrians be required to stay in their lane unless they signal a turn at least 50 feet in advance.

Anyone intending to walk around SF or Oakland must obtain a license; provide proof of insurance (in case they accidentally hurt a scooter or a scooter-rider); and at all times wear a helmet, kneepads, and turn signals.

A Long-Term Vision

Ultimately, our urban vision must eliminate pedestrians entirely from the city. If enough scooters are strewn around on sidewalks and streets and dumpsters and lakes, there will no longer be any excuse for walking.

Join our campaign to eliminate pedestrianism! Email bartcourier@gmail.com

Image: San Francisco activists pile yuppie scooters in front of techie megabus.

scooter

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Culture, Satires

Becoming A Cultural Influencee

I think I’ve found my new activist calling. I am going to apply to be a cultural influencee.

First I thought I might try to be an influencer. But it looks like you have to do stuff like go on the internet all the time and tell people your innermost random thoughts and all the times someone disses you at a nightclub. That doesn’t sound very fun.

But when I look at the people who are becoming influencers, it’s an impressive bunch – we’re talking Cardi B, Keireth Knightly, and even Steph Curry. Women, people of color, women who are people of color, people of color who are trans women, trans women who are not yet people of color but aspire one day to be – my kind of folks!

An Ally to the Rich and Famous

I started thinking – maybe instead of trying to be a famous influencer myself, I should endeavor to support these already-famous celebrities of diversity.

When they do something that aims to influence people, such as denouncing the president or wearing a new brand of shoes, I could be among the first to be influenced.

I’d be sort of an early adopter of influences.

Just My Luck

Of course, it would be just my luck that I’d wind up starting a trend, and pretty soon everyone would want to be the first in line to be influenced by famous influencers. I’d have to tweet press releases disclaiming any intent to actually influence people to be influenced, all the while realizing that my denial was likely to influence impressionable people to start yet another trend.

So for the record – please respect my desire not to start a cultural trend by becoming an influencee. Go find your own way to impact society!

You can support my efforts to become a cultural influencee by donating to my Anarchist A-Go-Go fund – email small, unmarked bills or large chunks of unsweetened chocolate to: <directactionnovel@gmail.com>

Photo: Famous cultural icon Cardi B, shown here influencing people to make weird faces.

cardi-b-snl

Culture

In Memory of Woody Allen

Remember Woody Allen?

I do. I once thought he was a great film maker.

The problem isn’t so much, “How did he get away with being a predator for so long?” Rather:

“How did he get away with making such shoddy films for so many years?”

A Handful of Classics?

As a young person, I thought Love & Death, Sleeper, and especially Annie Hall were great films – funny, rich with observation and meaning, well-written. I learned a lot about writing from the non-linear, anecdotal style of Annie Hall.

Then came Manhattan. Very artsy, black-and-white, new-yorkey. I really wanted to like it. But I didn’t.

Honestly, the 17-year-old kid in bed disturbed me. I wondered – where are her parents? Do they notice she didn’t come home at night? Do school officials notice him lurking around the playground?

Isn’t New York Lovely?

But that was secondary to my disappointment with the film itself. The visuals were predictable and saccharine – the direct forerunners of a piece of schlock like Serendipity. It’s as if every still shot had a title under it saying, “Isn’t New York lovely?”

Worse – the writing. A typical blundering scene: Woody and the other male lead are arguing in a classroom. Between them is a chimpanzee skeleton – remember? A rather obvious symbol, no?

Apparently the auteur wasn’t so confident in his work – because Allen’s character actually says: “We’re no better than this chimpanzee!”

Wow! Talk about subtle insights from a cinematic master! Roll over, Truffaut!

Cheap Knockoffs – Of His Own Films

The whole film is in that vein. I saw it several times when it came out, hoping to find more in it -and finally had to realize it was just a cheap knock-off of Annie Hall.

And so it has gone ever since. About once a decade I accidentally see one of his films, mainly because the old video boxes used to hide his name in the fine print and play up the famous actors he suckered into believing he was an important film maker.

A few years ago, I read a short interview with Allen in which he was asked why he made so many films, instead of focusing on one project for longer. His answer:

“After six months I get bored with the project.”

We’re Bored Too

Woody – read that sentence aloud. You’re bored – and so are we.

That will be history’s verdict on Allen – not so much the predator stuff, which will tarnish many a Hollywood legend as the truth comes out.

No – he’ll be remembered for making a couple of funny films, followed by an endless string of shoddy, repetitious dreck.

And that will be true justice.

Photo: Take a nap, Woody!

woody-allen-tired

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