Culture, Satires

Becoming A Cultural Influencee

I think I’ve found my new activist calling. I am going to apply to be a cultural influencee.

First I thought I might try to be an influencer. But it looks like you have to do stuff like go on the internet all the time and tell people your innermost random thoughts and all the times someone disses you at a nightclub. That doesn’t sound very fun.

But when I look at the people who are becoming influencers, it’s an impressive bunch – we’re talking Cardi B, Keireth Knightly, and even Steph Curry. Women, people of color, women who are people of color, people of color who are trans women, trans women who are not yet people of color but aspire one day to be – my kind of folks!

An Ally to the Rich and Famous

I started thinking – maybe instead of trying to be a famous influencer myself, I should endeavor to support these already-famous celebrities of diversity.

When they do something that aims to influence people, such as denouncing the president or wearing a new brand of shoes, I could be among the first to be influenced.

I’d be sort of an early adopter of influences.

Just My Luck

Of course, it would be just my luck that I’d wind up starting a trend, and pretty soon everyone would want to be the first in line to be influenced by famous influencers. I’d have to tweet press releases disclaiming any intent to actually influence people to be influenced, all the while realizing that my denial was likely to influence impressionable people to start yet another trend.

So for the record – please respect my desire not to start a cultural trend by becoming an influencee. Go find your own way to impact society!

You can support my efforts to become a cultural influencee by donating to my Anarchist A-Go-Go fund – email small, unmarked bills or large chunks of unsweetened chocolate to: <directactionnovel@gmail.com>

Photo: Famous cultural icon Cardi B, shown here influencing people to make weird faces.

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Culture, Satires

America Struggles With Boot-Polish Addiction

Epidemic having deleterious impact on democracy

The United States, already mired in an opiod crisis, is now struggling with a massive addiction to boot polish.

A wave of addictions and abuse have swept the South and the lower Midwest in the past two years, and taken strong hold in the old Rust Belt states.

Many people begin by drooling after the shiny loafers of Fox News commentators. But soon they are subscribing directly to the President’s Twitter feed, lusting after even a glimpse of his buffed leather shoes.

Once hooked, only daily infusions of a thin veneer of recently-applied polish can satisfy the craving.

While the addiction is seldom fatal to individuals, its cumulative impact on democracy is already devastating.

The only possibly cure is for addicts to give up their habit cold turkey by turning off Fox and reading the Guardian, the Times, and the Post.

Book Review, Satires

The Hardy Girls – Luke Hauser’s Latest!

Update: Volume 2 is on the way! Due Summer 2020: The Mystery of the Derailed Train.

Direct Action author Luke Hauser, writing under as Dixie W. Franklin, has released Volume 1 of The Hardy Girls Mystery Series.”

The Mystery of Rafferty’s Farm

Join Francesca and Josephine Hardy as they set out to solve their first mystery!

Frank and Joe Hardy, former teen detectives, have been retired since their youthful sleuthing wiped out all crime in Bayport. But now a new generation of criminal is back – and it’s up the the Hardy Girls to crack the case, while avoiding parental scrutiny and staying one step ahead of bumbling police chief Oscar Smuff.

The Hardy Girls’ mystery series walks that fine line between fan fiction, social satire, and a rip-roaring kids’ chapter book.

Available in print, downloadable book-formatted PDF, or read online.

Visit their new website: hardygirls01.wordpress.com

activism, Culture, Economics, Satires

Online Underwear Ads – Was It Mom?

Underwear Ads & Maternal Concerns

Am I the only one that gets these bright, cheery underwear ads on the home page of my favorite pop-news website? Little pictures of the midsections of svelte young models wearing tight, colorful briefs.

DA-Blog-Undies03-boxersThe JPGs alternate in what old-school binarists would label a male/female pattern, which bothered me at first. But in my experience there are no hard and fast boundaries about who wears what undies, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on that count.

But I had to wonder – why do I get underwear ads, period, when I’ve never ordered underwear online? Continue reading “Online Underwear Ads – Was It Mom?”

Culture, Resources & Downloads, Satires

Funky Nixons – Now Streaming!

Berkeley’s finest all-weather activist ensemble, the infamous Funky Nixons, are now streaming online at all sites.

The band, known locally as The House Band of Peoples Park, features a bend of rock, rap, and country, and provides expert commentary on the burning issues of our time.

Listen free on Youtube | Spotify

Free downloads of mp3 files also available.

Click here for more info and links.

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Culture, Economics, Satires

Eat4U – New Restaurant Sensation!

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

Move to San Francisco to be near all of the great restaurants, and never have time to dine out?

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Tired of eating GrubHub’s warmed over versions of yesterday’s leftovers?

Too lazy to order Hello Plastic and cook a shrink-wrapped meal for yourself?

You need Eat 4 U!

Eat 4 U – the amazing new restaurant service that let’s you, the customer, take charge of dining out!

You choose the restaurant. You choose the menu items. You even choose Continue reading “Eat4U – New Restaurant Sensation!”

Culture, Satires

Luke Hauser’s New Philosophy Mystery

Direct Action author Luke Hauser’s second novel – a murder mystery steeped in Western philosophy – is now available in print, as well as downloadable PDF and read-online versions.

Proceed at your own risk.

Visit epistmystery.wordpress.com or Amazon

Being & Nothingness: An Epistemological Murder Mystery

Philosophy professors are getting bumped off.

Humble yet diligent grad student Jeff Harrison sets out to apprehend the killer while unravelling a few of the mysteries of Western philosophy in the process.

It’s not all blood and guts and dead professors. You’ll meet:

• Johann the paralogical custodian

• Watson the behaviorist cat Continue reading “Luke Hauser’s New Philosophy Mystery”

Culture, Satires

Turnstile Jumping Etiquette

When jumping BART turnstiles, please observe the following safety and courtesy guidelines. Thanks for helping make BART a better system for all riders!

(1) To avoid delays, please tag your clipper card before jumping.

(2) Please allow elderly and mobility-impaired riders to jump first.

(3) For added safety, please use both hands when jumping.

(4) Absolutely no texting while turnstile jumping!

Image: BizJournal.com

Guidelines courtesy BART rider Derek J.


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Culture, Economics, Satires

HelloFresh Death Watch!

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

Debt Zombies – HelloFresh’s Kindred

Reader Contest: HelloFresh Death Watch – enter below.

April 2020 update – HelloFresh may have been bailed out by the pandemic – while everything else crashes, delivery services have an opening.

The question will be how HF and others survive the coming credit crunch. Some will make it, some won’t. I don’t think HF is “too big to be allowed to fail.” Amazon probably is.

(Original post 2018)

HelloFresh, a company that cobbles together “fresh” ingredients and delivers them to your door in precisely measured quantities along with a recipe, so you can throw them in the skillet and voila, instant home-cooked dinner!

This is probably the craziest business plan of all history. Yet they are getting millions in investments.

What’s wrong with the model?

(1) Their model relies on a huge customer base. So ask: if you take the trouble to cook your own deluxe dinner, are you going to trust someone else to pick out the ingredients? If so, how often? Do you see all of your friends and family turning over their grocery shopping to low-paid strangers? Seems like a niche market at best.

(2) Their model depends on frequent use. A low-cost, high-volume business like this depends on people using it a lot. For instance, Uber’s business plan assumes we will all abandon driving and let Uber drive us everywhere – people will in any case use the service repeatedly and frequently. But do you see millions of people (A) abandoning shopping, yet (B) wanting to cook their own deluxe pre-packaged dinners night after night?

(3) They can’t deliver high quality food. I’ve been part of collective houses that on several occasions have ordered weekly CSA produce boxes. Each time we wound up cancelling, feeling that we weren’t getting value for our money. Really – how many people want to spend money on fresh food, but have someone else pick it out for you? Again – a niche market.

A Wretched Investment Climate

HelloFresh and its kindred want us to imagine a bunch of fresh-faced, happy young people working in sunny fields to harvest and package the perfect ingredients for your dinner.

Versus my vision – a big warehouse with no windows, filled with low-paid, no-benefit workers who shovel food out of giant vats, spit in it, wrap it in plastic, and ship it off to you.

Or will it be robot workers? At least they’re less likely to spit in our food.

What’s sad is that the global investment climate is so pathetic that desperate investors will pour tens of millions of dollars into a sinkhole like this.

Hello Fresh Death Watch!

I propose a betting pool called the Hello Fresh Death Watch. Guess the date HF will declare bankruptcy – when the company goes belly up, the reader with the closest date wins a duffel bag full of factory-fresh produce of our choice delivered directly to your email!

Send us your favorite date for Hello Fresh to officially declare bankruptcy and stiff its investors! I claim dibs on October 31, 2021.

Email your date to: DirectActionNovel@gmail.com

Thanks to Bill Dewey for the news tip!

Debt Zombies – HelloFresh’s Kindred

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

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