Culture, Satires

Witches Fail To Levitate Mitch McConnell

McConnell-Levitate-ThisWeekABC

ABC News reports that a coven of masked witches attempted and failed to levitate US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R, KY).

The masked pagans surrounded the hapless politician at the Kentucky Statehouse and demanded that he speak out for social justice during this time of national crisis. When McConnell failed to recognize the meaning of word “justice,” the protesters turned to Plan B – levitate the banana slug until the next election.*

Sadly, McConnell had his shields (if not his face mask) in place, and remained rooted to the marble floor.

The coven vowed to hold online zoom rituals to boost their psychic powers and shift their attention to levitating the President during one of his daily televised coronavirus rallies.

Photo and original report from This Week ABC.

More satires from Luke Hauser: https://directaction.org/category/satires/

* – UPDATE – Responding to a flurry of complaints from readers, Luke Hauser apologizes to banana slugs everywhere!