Culture, Economics, Satires

Eat4U – New Restaurant Sensation!

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

Move to San Francisco to be near all of the great restaurants, and never have time to dine out?

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Tired of eating GrubHub’s warmed over versions of yesterday’s leftovers?

Too lazy to order Hello Plastic and cook a shrink-wrapped meal for yourself?

You need Eat 4 U!

Eat 4 U – the amazing new restaurant service that let’s you, the customer, take charge of dining out!

You choose the restaurant. You choose the menu items. You even choose Continue reading “Eat4U – New Restaurant Sensation!”

Culture, Economics, Satires

HelloFresh Death Watch!

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

Debt Zombies – HelloFresh’s Kindred

Reader Contest: HelloFresh Death Watch – enter below.

HelloFresh, a company that cobbles together “fresh” ingredients and delivers them to your door in precisely measured quantities along with a recipe, so you can throw them in the skillet and voila, instant home-cooked dinner!

This is probably the craziest business plan of all history. Yet they are getting millions in investments.

What’s wrong with the model?

(1) Their model relies on a huge customer base. So ask: if you take the trouble to cook your own deluxe dinner, are you going to trust someone else to pick out the ingredients? If so, how often? Do you see all of your friends and family turning over their grocery shopping to low-paid strangers? Seems like a niche market at best.

(2) Their model depends on frequent use. A low-cost, high-volume business like this depends on people using it a lot. For instance, Uber’s business plan assumes we will all abandon driving and let Uber drive us everywhere – people will in any case use the service repeatedly and frequently. But do you see millions of people (A) abandoning shopping, yet (B) wanting to cook their own deluxe pre-packaged dinners night after night?

(3) They can’t deliver high quality food. I’ve been part of collective houses that on several occasions have ordered weekly CSA produce boxes. Each time we wound up cancelling, feeling that we weren’t getting value for our money. Really – how many people want to spend money on fresh food, but have someone else pick it out for you? Again – a niche market.

A Wretched Investment Climate

HelloFresh and its kindred want us to imagine a bunch of fresh-faced, happy young people working in sunny fields to harvest and package the perfect ingredients for your dinner.

Versus my vision – a big warehouse with no windows, filled with low-paid, no-benefit workers who shovel food out of giant vats, spit in it, wrap it in plastic, and ship it off to you.

Or will it be robot workers? At least they’re less likely to spit in our food.

What’s sad is that the global investment climate is so pathetic that desperate investors will pour tens of millions of dollars into a sinkhole like this.

Hello Fresh Death Watch!

I propose a betting pool called the Hello Fresh Death Watch. Guess the date HF will declare bankruptcy – when the company goes belly up, the reader with the closest date wins a duffel bag full of factory-fresh produce of our choice delivered directly to your email!

Send us your favorite date for Hello Fresh to officially declare bankruptcy and stiff its investors! I claim dibs on October 31, 2021.

Email your date to: DirectActionNovel@gmail.com

Thanks to Bill Dewey for the news tip!

Debt Zombies – HelloFresh’s Kindred

More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser

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