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Online Underwear Ads – Was It Mom?

Underwear Ads & Maternal Concerns

Am I the only one that gets these bright, cheery underwear ads on the home page of my favorite pop-news website? Little pictures of the midsections of svelte young models wearing tight, colorful briefs.

The JPGs alternate in what old-school binarists would label a male/female pattern, which bothered me at first. But in my experience there are no hard and fast boundaries about who wears what undies, so I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on that count.

But I had to wonder – why do I get underwear ads, period, when I’ve never ordered underwear online?

It Was Mom!

I thought back – I’ve ordered black socks, pre-weathered black blue-jeans, a bunch of black T-shirts, three black hoodies, and even a pair of black running shoes – but never underwear.

Suddenly I realized – they must have talked to my mother!

Who but mom would notice that I’d ordered everything a well-dressed twenty-first-century fair-weather activist needs except new underwear?

The more I considered it, the more likely it seemed – baffled by my general lack of consumerist enthusiasm and participation, they checked in with my mother to see what ads should be featured on pages I visit for my daily cultural updates.

I can follow her logic. Suppose you get beat up by the cops and dragged off to jail, only first they take you to the hospital to stitch you up? This touches on one of my mother’s greatest fears – that her children would be taken to the hospital and discovered to be wearing ratty old undies.

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It made me wonder why they didn’t just go to my mother in the first place. Why waste money on consumer research and market studies when you could go straight to the source? In fact, her advice could probably cover a lot of other aspiring young counter-culturists.

Meanwhile, if you want to be sure that my mother is not embarrassed if I wind up in the hospital, donate to my Anarchist-A-Go-Go fundraising page. One lucky donor will win a pair of signed tidy whities!

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More economics satires & musings by Luke Hauser


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